You have probably tried some Pipedream products but if you haven’t tried the Fuck Me Silly Mega Masturbator, then you haven’t had the fun yet. This is not just a sex toy but a monster of it.
I particularly love this mega masturbator because I am an ass-grabber. My lovemaking isn’t complete without a nice spanking and grabbing that ass, and boy, this sex toy comes with such a humongous ass!
The fuck me silly mega masturbator is shaped like the lower half of a woman, and it is super-hotly shaped. This takes out the feeling of using it as a toy, making the whole experience so realistic.
Features of Pipedream Fuck Me Silly Mega Masturbator
There are two openings each with a different size and circumference from the other. Despite the difference in circumference, the texture of the openings is similar so you can screw whichever hole you want.
Each canal has a distinct patterning on its internal sleeve but the toy lacks any self-heating feature, vibrations or even VR compatibility. This is understood to make the experience as real as possible (real pussies don’t vibrate, neither do they heat themselves unless hit really hard!). This toy is for getting in, out, in, out and of course cumming.
Fuck Me Silly uses Fanta-Flesh, which feels so real that you can’t even imagine this is a toy. Fanta Flesh engulfs and massages your penis once it is in.
Weighing approximately 21 pounds, the first undoing about it is that it is not portable. You can push it under your bed or into a closet when you’re done but you can’t take it with you when you go visiting a friend.
Air Pressure Hole
There is a small hole on top of this sex toy. That is the air pressure toy whose main purpose is to let air in and out of the toy. Look at it like a vent, which prevents your toy from ballooning up or even bursting when you’re spanking that ass or using it for love making.
The toy measures 14 x 17 x 16 inches.
What is Included in the package?
When your shipment arrives, be sure to sweat over it (no, not that way!) to carry it and of course open. We already said the toy alone weighs 7 Kgs.
The carton has a picture of the masturbator on it with other porn pictures beside it and, to escape attracting any nasty looks when you fetch it from the delivery guy, select ‘gift wrapping’ option when placing the order.
The carton is sealed using a packing tape which needs a razor to cut open.
You need to be extra careful when cutting because, digging too deep with razor is likely to cut the enclosed sex toy. It is packaged securely in the fitting Styrofoam to avoid any hazard occurring to it.
Besides the Fuck Me Silly Masturbator, the package will also contain the following:
- A water-based lubricant
- A toy cleaning solution
- Renewal powder
- Paper work
The water-based lubricant isn’t included by chance, you are advised to always use a water-based lubricant with Fuck Me Silly. Refrain from silicone or other oils because they are likely to degrade your toy’s surface and make it wear out faster.
The renewal powder is meant to renew or revive the toy. With constant pounding and spanking, the toy’s surface, especially the ass, is likely to go pale and a bit tacky.
The renewal powder revives this surface, gives it back its initial glam as if it’s new. You don’t want to feel like you’re digging into a worn out pussy!
You simply sprinkle some of this powder on the surface that has gone tacky and gentle rub it. Better, sprinkle after every couple of uses to avert any effect on that surface.
At some point the powder will get used up and you will have to order a new one. You can save a penny by buying some corn starch from a grocery near you, which works just like the renewal powder.
The synthetic material used to manufacture this toy makes it durable and won’t break up with you after a short period of time. The design is also simple that anyone can use this toy, so long as they have a dick and a will to smash.
Do we really need to tell you how to use it? Hell no, go ahead and pound that ass! We will tell you how to clean up once you’re done.
Cleaning Fuck Me Silly Mega Masturbator
This one is a snap. You might think that after every session you will just dip the whole toy in water, rinse it and pull it out to dry. Well, that might be easy but your toy will no longer be that sexy bitch you were smashing but some female octogenarian with sagging hips.
The manufacturer insists that you should not allow water get into the toy because the foam inside will shrink. Which means you need to be careful not to submerge it fully in water.
Say you’re using a roomy kitchen sink, and have that toy cleaner that came in handy. The best place to start cleaning is the holes, the pussy and the asshole, then the exterior surface of the toy.
Get a tall-necked faucet and spray water through one of the two holes. These holes are connected so water from one hole will get out through the other. For about a minute, let water run through them so that you can get your cum and the lubricant out.
Now get a soap and splash some into any of the two holes and using your fingers, rub around both holes thoroughly until you are contented that all the dirt is out, then get your sprayer and rinse the holes again. If you aren’t convinced about its cleanliness, you can repeat the process, but remember that the hole on top of the toy should not be submerged in water.
Shake the toy to get all the water out then let it dry on the counter. Once it is dry, apply your renew powder or the corn starch before storage.
Fucking Fuck Me Silly is more or less like making love to a real woman. The only thing you might not get from this toy is the cuddle and the clinging that a woman gives you when she’s approaching cloud nine but of all the toys, this is the closest you get to smashing real pussy.
Pros and Cons of Fuck Me Silly Masturbator
- Comes with two separate entries (holes).
- The design is simple and easy to use.
- Does not need power connection like most toys.
- Made of synthetic material which is safe and durable.
- Easy to clean after use.
- You can maintain its new look using the renewal powder.
- Its weight makes it withstand your weight.
- A pressure air hole helps deflate it when you’re pounding so that it doesn’t balloon up and lose shape.
- You can choose to have it delivered discreetly via ‘Gift wrapping’ option.
- This toy is quite heavy and large, which makes impossible to carry around when travelling.
- Fuck Me Silly is too oversimplified which denies it much sensation.
- Sometimes as you are vigorously pounding on it, it slides along the table, bed or wherever you have placed it.
- Delicate. Once water gets into the toy through the air pressure hole, it’s done.
- Has that chemical/plastic odor when it’s new.
Some of the cons are things that Pipedream can work on (like improving it to have bolts so that it doesn’t move and spoil the fun right before you climax) while others we have to live with (like it not being portable).
Many sites that sell it however have it reported as being ‘Out Of Stock’ while the manufacturer says only two are left in stock at the time of writing this, something that just spells what a hit this toy is with male masturbators.
Frequently Asked Questions about Pipedream Fuck Me Silly Masturbator
How big is this mega masturbator?
It measures 14 x 17 x 16 inches and weighs 21 pounds.
Is this thing portable?
With its size and weight, Fuck me silly isn’t portable.
Does it come with batteries?
This is a non-electric sex toy which doesn’t need power to function. Only you need to be charged to use it.
How long does it take before this chemical smell goes away?
Approximately three sexual sessions and washings and it’s good.
What’s this third hole for, the top hole?
That’s not for a blow-job obviously, it’s an air pressure job. Don’t let water into it; it deflates the toy as you fuck it so that it does not bulge and lose shape or worse burst.
My masturbator lost color in the ass just a few months after I bought it. How do I reduce this, it still is new.
Smear the renewal powder on the surface of the sex toy after every masturbating session.
Does it have a warranty?
No, it doesn’t.